hi again

i almost have become a visitor to my own blog nowadays.
these days, i have become a visitor to my past, and a spectator to my future. strange, that feels.
i did something yesterday that i am regretting having to do, but something that had to be done to preserve whatever semblence of reality i might have wanted to maintain.

there are these 2 worlds, and i am stuck in a limbo. either of them dont allow me to move towards anything. like some kind of a magnetic force keeping me stuck. unable to comment, commit or move on.

work keeps me busy though. that is something i am trying to cling on to during the day. that and something else also.
other than that, there isint anything new happening around me. just the same things, each day is woken up to a reality which stings. but i hardly feel the sting anymore really.

lets see where all this goes. maybe to a future, or straight into my past.

hey

i dont these days write so much. the thing is, i am not so connected to the outside world, firstly, and the second thing is, i dont know if i have a whole lot of things to write about here anymore. i am finding that as i am increasingly getting into work life over the last one year, i am not able to find time to do those other things that made my life more colourful.

not that i am missing everything too much. i guess if i was, i wouldnt be doing all that i am. but sometimes i find myself wondering about the reasons for this work and for the money that keeps coming in every month end.

is this so that i can sustain myself and keep going back to work, or is for some future which is uncertain and therefore i should work for it? or is it just an incentive for me to not do those things that i want to do. like a bribe to keep myself here. strange thoughts i agree, but something i do think about.

there are, as always, no answers. just all this. as always, as in any post that embarks on an existential thought of mine, i am again at a loss for a conclusion. i wonder why?

reality

it does bite sometime. i am slowly realizing that the things that i am doing are not the things that i want to do for another few months also. this is just not done. i hope someplace or the other, i will be able to move into something which interests me and keeps me going for a long long time. what is going on right now is almost sublime. unreal. hope this is just a phase.

ATHENA

we were at athena last night. the entire group of people from my office. the place is wild. its the coolest disc in the city and we definetly had a lot of fun. the bill came to round about some 20 grand, which the company paid.

we got out at 5am in the morning, and got the morning train back to bandra.
i remain in bandra though for another couple of months. my posting is here.
the place had very cool bose speakers, and the music is mixed by dj akeel. hes pretty famous, i heard. the music was very well mixed. english and hindi, and some punjabi all together. the crowd was fantastic. the women were wonderful (though i dident know anyone there!)

had a very good time.
and to more nights like these.