Thursday, October 30, 2003


i hadnt really understood that i am actually a hypocrite. in a number of ways. it feels strange. the fact that i always considerred myself to be an individual unaffected by these things. someone rational, logical. in the end, i am just emotional. i say 'just' because emotion without logic is useless. isint it?
the fact of the matter is, all that i thought i believed in is right, but i believed in them for all the reasons which i thought i did not believe in. strange what that kind of a realization can do to a person.
i feel let down by myself.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

a fine day to exit

anathema. to myself. me.

then he cried
filled with guilt and sorrow
for his tomorrow

there it was
the future seen in his eyes
one being made right now
slipping ahead of him with a bitter smile

one more day gone
farther away from the alternate
one that can never be
for which the world must breathe again

going back many years
he saw a flaw in all that was around
for the man that he was today
was because of all that happened yesterday

hard as stone
alive and dead all alone
there were things within him
that died many times over
just while he was sitting and smiling at someone

life is so fragile
waiting to be remade again
he is confident of the future
which has already been made

written upon the stupidity of sharing pain

i ve a lot of u in me at the moment!!!

this is a line sed a long time back. eons back, i think. sometimes.

time goes by. things go by. people go by. it isint at all a waste. its all there, packed up very tightly. waiting to explode.
emotions. the definitive of man. a long time ago, i used to disregard them. now, i sometimes think they are the only things i have left. strange how life takes turns.

sometime back, i met someone. but the problem is that of start up. i think once the startup is faster, then the 'quality time' spent will be more. however, as always, the dependance is more.

it is strange how the life and the course of a person can sometimes be decided by another who dosent sometimes realize the importance of that person in the life. if that realization strikes, there will be a call.

Saturday, October 25, 2003


i cant help falling in love with you

dosent sound like elvis, dosent taste like it too.
and yet it is. really so.
the guy i now understand is very justified to be in forrest gump.

i always thought of elvis as heartbreak hotel, and here he is giving sinatra a run for his money.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

the influence was quite a lot

i used to consider the beatles a band which just grew out of nowhere. one which had the kind of music a lot of people listened to and so the kind i really dident need to listen. probably the first media created phenomenon.

i wasnt so right i guess!

i have been listening to their music and been reading about them. the stuff is very non-traditional. in fact, it is. it dosent seem like that to me, thats all.

the music is very british. and it is very liverpool, in a way. u know. except for some songs in the later stages of their careers, almost all of them are free of political thought. just some guys playing some music. ofcourse, later on, harrison and paul and john all became very politically active. but that is almost inevitable. probably a offshoot of fame. even then, the music i very interesting. fresh stuff.

the best thing about these guys is that the guitar and the music is very simple. although i have no chance of playing the stuff on the guitar, with some practise, it can be done i think! unlike mr. slash, whose guitaring requires 30 eyes, 16 hands, and 7 brains.

about the song.
hey. i am just speaking my mind. is that a big enough crime?
running at such a speed, for all the things that arent in need.
forgetting that the things that really mean
just get lost in the blur of the wayside scene

Everybody seems to think I’m lazy
I don’t mind, I think they’re crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find there’s no need (there’s no need)

Please, don’t spoil my day, I’m miles away
And after all I’m only sleeping

Monday, October 20, 2003


i have always liked kevin spacey. i dident like this movie though. mainly because the movie lacked something special. in a lot of ways, it is very predictable. though they think it isint.

the only thing i liked about the movie was this line towards the end. kevin spacey voicing over

"Prot: I wanna tell you something Mark, something you do not yet know, that we K-PAXians have been around long enough to have discovered. The universe will expand, then it will collapse back on itself, then will expand again. It will repeat this process forever. What you don't you know is that when the universe expands again, everything will be as it is now. Whatever mistakes you make this time around, you will live through on your next pass. Every mistake you make, you will live through again, & again, forever. So my advice to you is to get it right this time around. Because this time is all you have.

there is one more line in the movie which i liked a lot. something very simple. direct. but often unthought of.

Every being in the universe knows right from wrong, Mark.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

i played cricket and pool today

after a long time(maybe a few years, i finally played cricket and really enjoyed it. i even won the first game. the rules are different. we were playing inside a volleyball court space. so the rules are such:

1) the ball if it hits any of the walls(apogee-20mtrs;perigee-30mtrs) is a four.
2) if the ball goes over the wall, its out.
3) you can get out 5 times. each out is -5 runs.
4) each player gets 3 overs to make as many runs as possible. if he makes 25 runs, he gets 2 more overs. and if he makes another 25 runs in those 2 overs, he gets 1 more over. if he makes 25 in that over, he gets another 3 overs

basically thats it.

then, before that(ha!) i was playing pool with some people from office. and hell. it was good. i was able to get the shots right. it was cool. won 2-3 games i think. it was a nice run. u know. after some time. i had a decent time.

everybody plays some sport at any given time

Tuesday, October 14, 2003


the great rat race

there are too many things
to think of when life goes on

there is just this rat race
that i am becoming part of

the ones that i saw
i am down among them

the reason that is terrible
was that i was once above them

there are so many places that one can be
but i wanted some time to think before the keep

there are so many things that one can do
but i needed to know what i wanted to do

millions of miles away
someone is talking to you

and i still cant help not missing you
the essential characteristics of a successful drama

the most important idea in a drama is the believability of the drama by the audience. without that, the content and the presentation falls flat. the idea behind drama is to involve the characters into the world of the character, and the only way to do that is to draw the audience into the life of the character.

however, without that condition, the drama becomes a mockery of all that is being shown. and it is then insulting to the intelligence of man.

life is a box of chocolates, but sometimes, it takes very less for it to becomes a box of grenades. like so:

life is a box of grenades, you never know when one will blow up

so in life, it is important to look at the chocolates that your are.

this is bat country

Thursday, October 09, 2003

the uncertainty principle

this is not about electrons and about matter and energy.

this is about how people can want to be in 2 places and be that too at the same time. it is almost funny when applied to humans.
but it really isint. the correlation between energy and matter. such a secret. the biggest. and one in which we havent been able to do anything. converting energy to matter isint possible is it?
wish it was.
one more thing.
i think everytime i come out of my office, it is like hitting a high. the cold office and then the warm air outside. the closed windows of my car and the warmth of the inside. then slowly, the realization of the heat and the rolling down of the windows. isint it almost like being high?
not that i would know for sure. but thats how evby talks about it.

so i am ok. rite? the writing on the blog suggests that.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

awash on a small island

life sometimes reaches those small islands. from which all you want to do is cast away.
they are like stopping points. ones from which no land is seen, but ones from which you can be sure that you will get off.

its just that sometimes, being cast away too long gets to you. there is the need to be on the mainland. amongst. so to speak.
mans cultural inclination forces him to reject isolation.
but till then, from the high peak of the island, the eye looks for the faintest flag.

difficulties in life are sometimes not wordable. ones which can only be felt. because they are not a single moment or a paragraph of distress. rather, they are emotions which span years. those which have had no beginnings and no ends. how is it possible to talk about them. they are at best, flitting images in the mind. of sorrow and happiness. together. creating more. they are those things which make you sigh, and just keep your eyes open and blankly stare into the mind. because there is no future, and the past kills you sometimes.

Separate Lives - Phil Collins

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives

Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives

Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives

Sunday, October 05, 2003


Hello, I’ve waited here for you, everlong
Tonight, I throw myself into and out of the red, out of her head she sang

Come down and waste away with me, down with me
Slow how, you wanted it to be, I’m over my head, out of her head she sang
And I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when she sang

Breathe out, so I can breathe you in, hold you in
And now, I know you’ve always been out of your head, out of my head I sang
And I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when she sang

And I wonder if everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I’ll ever ask of you
You’ve got to promise not to stop when I say when

the acoustic version of the song everlong by the foo fighters

Thursday, October 02, 2003

a technical snag

look at the image below.

now, how can adam and eve have belly buttons, if they werent born normally? you kow, through birth? and, if they shouldnt have belly buttons, or navels(or modals), then, how can anyone else after that?

i think this is a pretty good logical basis for refuting god. (the christian concept of it anyway). ofcourse, since this logic is very simple, it has had to have been thought of at some previous point in time, and some equally logical faith based reasoning must have evolved. pls let me know.
like, judas(not the priest), or someone like that, burned adam and eve becoz they ate the apple or something like that.

in any case, its a good one i think. i thot of this while reading ulysees. which i managed to pick up again after a long long time. and which i think is the toughest book i have read so far. ( or am reading)!