Tuesday, September 30, 2003


lot of rush in my life these days...as i listen tohere again.

i have also been trying to play the guitar a lot and have managed to play some chords and their variations. i am still however struggling with the C-D-E-G or something like that combination. a lot of times, i am not able to understand the maths of the thing. or the technical aspect of chords. the notes and the chord bit. i am trying.
ofcourse, all this since i am down with fever and am at home today. although i would have liked to see movies with my own gorgeous as exit stage left did when he was ill, alas, such a state does not exist currently.

so i slept most of the day, and did not watch any movies, though i should have. and i mulled, spoke on the telephone for some time, and generally wasted and killed time as my body became weaker. i think i need to do some lot of exercise.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

from the song HERE AGAIN by RUSH

You know I've, I've seen your face before.
Is it ever gonna, ever gonna change again?
Oh, oh I've, I've been in one place too long.
Is it ever gonna, ever gonna change again?


finding my way
need some love
take a friend
here again
what you're doing
in the mood
before and after
working man

from the album RUSH. the cover of this album is really slick. very neat. very clean work. most of the times, this kind of work takes the most amount of time. getting something to look simple.
the song here again is very cool. its playing in my headphones now, and the guitar is just too cool. its a long song. the lead is amazing, and the bass is awesome.

the beat is just too cool too. its one of those songs to which you can sway to.
freddy fender

wasted days and wasted nights

this is a song playing on a sunday morning. and it says, why should i keep loving you. when i know you are not true.

this applies to me. from somebody else to me. self esteem takes beatings most from itself. there is something very sinister about retrospection. its like a devil making you live your personal hell(sometimes). nice and warm in your mind.
like....so many things. i think i have had enough of those like... that and this statements. i have made many earlier. they were beautiful. and still are. but thats it now.
sometime back this girl asked me to write a song that she could sing in college. so i did. i never got to know if she used it or not. strange isint it. if you ask someone to write a song for you. you atleast tell him what happened to it, right?
there are copyright issues and local content requirements to which i had strictly adhered to. there has to be information about creative content. hello, who is singing my song?(if at all!?)

i am going to office now. on a sunday. can you beat that.
may you be forever young

to all those people who have touched me. may you stay forever young.

sometimes, life brings you to such crossroads that life itself becomes a choice. not in terms of giving it up, but in terms of what it has been and what it will be and how you bet yourself for that.

giving up a pattern in your life is so difficult. some days back i had written that knowing the path and walking on it makes it easier. but i think that knowing the path makes you not want to take the path, and secondly, makes the journey so much more difficult. because you know whats coming up next and for how long.

life is too big a bet. the choices we make are just betting on something. with no options for a redo anytime later. some chances we take work out ok, and some dont. we just have to live with it all the time.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

hot cars and cold offices

i go to my office. and it is so cold there, that i cant wait to get into my car and just keep the window rolled up and drive to whereever i am going. and the warmth in the car just feels so good.its amazing. but ofcourse, after sometime, i feel very hot and then i turn the window down. soon, i cant wait to get into the airconditioned office. but just for sometime.

life is more or less revolving around these kinds of emotions. this kind of mechanical excitement. the excitement of predictability.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

a little clarity


clarity of thought is very essential to any process.
i saw the movie 'life of david gale' today. it was a movie the DVD shop i go to had suggested. i think it was a good bet. kevin spacey, in his usual 'clear' voice. and kate winslet, doing what she knows best. being emotional. and shedding the somalian water supply in the process.

there ws something too dramatic and plastic about the ending. the little lines towards the end were like they were in a play. a old shakespearean one, for that.

but the performances were good. and the plot was even better. what was great however, was the midsection. the thought process. the lines in the middle of the movie. one which really did not need the movie.

lines about life. about love. about what is expected and what happens. more than that, it is also the kind of thought process that most people go through. atleast, i think they do. midlife crisis about who we are and what we are here for. an understanding that all we ever lived for, is no longer living for us. that there is a need for something to now live for us. there is always a need to put our footprints on the sands of time(so they say). making that possible, is something we never think about earlier, and then realize it is too late to think about.

philosophy aside, and that formed the basis of david gale, the sunsets in the movie were amazing. is it to show how the sunset(the end of the day) is the most beautiful. and correspondingly, life. and the end of it, wishes to be like that?

2 new pics

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

now, about rights

i was reading this thing about how bad wages were in the US. lot of people say that the US is this and that, and all they are able to do good is to show the best of themselves. maybe even the illusionary. hey, look at all the wars. the black fight for them. the black run for them. the white have the money. the black die for them( largest numbr of prisioners in the world). hell. everybody knows about it. and still. you guys stay there. for the freedom. for the anonymity? i think it is too great a price.

rights of man. when you can stand u without fear of retribution. and say. i live in my own idealist world of my own. one which has too many conditions on the quality of men. one which does not exist. the saddest bit is the cognizance of that fact. but i persist.

i was thinking last night. and i thought i am giving up my judgement for some time. i am not going to decide on the quality of my life and on the quality of my work for some time. some people dont understand that. but i think i have the right to experiment with a few years of my life. if nothing, to know what i dont want to do. ofcourse, in all this, my ego does kick in. and sometimes it is difficult to play the role i am trying to play.

sometime back my boss asked me, hey, what is your long term goal? and this is after a comment on the blueness of the skies these days.

and guess what? i dont have a long term goal.
about rights

there is too much of hypocrisy. even i am one of them. (even i...like what?!)
i bought a new razor which uses a blade so i can save some money, and sometime in the future possibly start reducing the things i use which are actually luxuries.
and ofcourse, in the process, start helping out.
like i was discussing with somebody, this is all about getting your 'own dog'. something or somebody to care for, somebody who loves you. this innate nature of man to be held, to hold. to be bigger than himself/herself. to exist in the consiousness of another. isint it that drives us?
to affect. more than to be affected.

i think all this philosophical stuff primarily is also to possibly to do that only. to probe you. to make you think about this idea. i mean, look at blogs. why the hell? its all about putting up stuff so everybody can see and read and think about. or comment on. we wish to impinge.

so i was thinking how difficult however it is, to remove somebody from a consiousness. but that with time and effort and practise(!), that too seems not a difficult task. i think it is the story of knowing the path and then finding it easy to walk through it. tough it maybe, but the way is known.

Monday, September 22, 2003

mellissa etheridge

this war is over

this song from the movie 'devil's own' has something so poignant about it. it is really cool stuff. the movie itself is almost so tragic. its been sometime since i saw something like that.
you aint seen nothing yet, folks!
so i was thinking to myself, that i need to jazz up this site. so thus. i will try to not make this place gaudy. there are ofcourse, other things about learning on the blog and so on.
the world in colour repeated
the world in colour

a new blog post

i added some more links on the sidecar. i think sometime i would like to read that stuff on a daily basis.

i was talking with a old friend about stuff and it was cool. there are very few people i think i can interact like that in this world. its strange isint it. that there are so few like you. in this big place. i think its also a matter of collision. the mechanics of that in the real world between people is much tougher. i think its easier to brush against somebody than to collide with that person. in the mind i mean.
things we talked about.

animation. ai. games. music. women. billboards. bungee jumping. family. money. lifestyles. loneliness. life. physics.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

some more pics

the moon and the bird


on guitars and god

there is i think a lot of thot which goes into somethings. like god and guitars. both are things u need to have faith in. and sometime or the other, u need to have faith in something or the other. faith in oneself, faith in that, this.

i used to be a dreamer. now the dream has come to an end. in a way, that line has a lot of meaning. for me, in my own life, and generally, in the line itself.

there is something very sinister about coming to age. some bad after taste that lingers and makes u want to do something about it. makes you sometimes want to look back and see yourself playing and arguing about some silly thing like politics sometime back. however, the realization that there is not turning back and that this is the things that you were growing up to sets in, it feels very depressingly unfair.
i dont understand why the best years of life are never cherished as such while they are happening. we think of something ahead which will be better than this one.
like the indica car ad: its only human to want more

more than the metaphysical bit of life. are othe things that take up so much mind space that it becomes impossible to think of the things that u wud ideally like to think about. i think the balance lies in finding out and doing the two things simultaneously.
(is the spelling rite?!)

Monday, September 15, 2003

since we r on the topic of guitars

God Lyrics

God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I’ll say it again
God is a concept
By which we measure
Our pain
I don’t believe in magic
I don’t believe in i-ching
I don’t believe in bible
I don’t believe in tarot
I don’t believe in hitler
I don’t believe in jesus
I don’t believe in kennedy
I don’t believe in buddha
I don’t believe in mantra
I don’t believe in gita
I don’t believe in yoga
I don’t believe in kings
I don’t believe in elvis
I don’t believe in zimmerman
I don’t believe in beatles
I just believe in me
Yoko and me
And that’s reality

The dream is over
What can I say?
The dream is over
I was the dreamweaver
But now I’m reborn
I was the walrus
But now I’m john
And so dear friends
You’ll just have to carry on
The dream is over
jus parathas and flat tires

it happened to me stories

so we went to jus paranthas and also got two flat tires. i dont kow how to take such things. see, if the food is good and the service is good, hell, u can flat the tires and i will be mad at the guy who flattened it. if the food is good, but the service is really lousy, i will blame everybody in jus parathas, inclsdung the managment for the flat tire. i mean, come one man. i want out and to go home and blog for some time, and there is this flat.
so i am wondering that there arent so many services in this country for odd times u know. strange. not very, but just a bit.
we drove the car back to a petrol pump on the flat, filled the tyres(i,y, what the hell), and then got it bak where mes parents were waiting. it was a good nite though all in all. fun thing. the wind is cool, the weather is nice, and i also slept in the afternoon.

it is strange how precious sundays have become. i think one needs time to oneself. its just some time we have on this planet after all.
i have one question. how many people reading this blog wish they were actually doing something else in their daily lives? really. u can just say, 'me'.
not many people read this blog. but still.
and then, hey, why arent you doing that thing?

Sunday, September 14, 2003

this is the one.

i got my guitar!

its an cool blue thing with a 20w amp. sounds good and looks real good!
so now, all i have to do is learn to play the thing. and play it real good, u know what i mean.
thing is. i realized somehting in the morning today. which is pretty important. its just that now, once the days over, it kinda sounds not so great as it sounded earlier.

its not who we miss that counts. its who is missing us that governs our actions.

strangely, as our societies become more and more independent and individualitic, people are finding themselves identifying with groups and being not as happy. in a way, all this individualism is for happiness right. but if we arent being that, then what is the point?

discussing god is such a strange thing. there cannot be a discussion on faith can there be?
can two people discuss the concept of faith and come to some kind of a conclusion on it. especially, if they hold differing views on faith in the first place.
or like socrates and plato, is discussion more about bringing the other person to our point of view by putting forward arguments which are based on his/her statements and then using them as a base to draw a corollary?
one which forces the other person to either differ on a fundamental issue or on his/her belief.

i think discussion in the form which used to happen in plato's time( would that be the platonic era?!!) are really not possible these days. primarily because battle lines are too well defined today. and secondly, since egos are uncaged animals now.

the vagaries of nature, bring me to this stature.
just a thot. hey. u have fun.
the guitar is going to wake up the neighbourhood tomorrow.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

things people say

so sometimes you gotta be like a girl. there is i think too many things we just dont do becoz they are girly and hey, they sometimes are a lot of fun.
its important to stop categorizing. not as a rule, but as often as possible.
what is, and what is not.
what is, is.
sometimes i can be profpund at all times of the day. the truth is, that is what i am. its not profound. its just some thought.
just that i dont need to get onto a lectern to start thinking. ofcourse, this statement has to be viewed in isolation.

to those people ( i know there arent , but still) who are first time visitors, blogs are increasingly becoming personalized messaging devices to people whom we want to send out messages to. this does not, however, expressly state that this blog, infact, does , or does not contain any such information, activity or propoganda( i guess this word will get me into the CIA's monitoring program- if they still have indians(read- the brains) to monitor the net!

i have become so opinionated that hell, i sometimes scare myself.

things i want to do

or somethings that go on in my head in the course of a day. we al have brains and we all us them. just that some of use them and feel good about it, and others just use them.

go to estonia
read ulysees in one sitting
have a month off just to photograph stuff
have my camera record all those moments that i see all day, and wish i could record them
go trekking again( and not get almost killed this time)
publish another magazine
bring out another newspaper( and make sure it runs atleast for a year)
go to alanis morrisette's concert( i think she is SO wannabe-ingly cool)
make a cabinet for my computer with my hands. with metal and plastic and a power drill. and have 3 fans in it to cool my system(it get svery hot these days)
read read read
play an electric guitar everyday atleast for 10 minutes and feel like god( creating good music, that way)
see a tiger at 3am in the wild 10 feet away again(yaya)
walk in paris and in cincinnati sometime
take a bike and go from chennai to goa(and back)
make a ad(cool one-like the one in my head which is almost visible)
go shopping with a girl
row a boat in a lake with dense trees around and blue skies and white clouds above
walk along a almost flat mud path in the mountains in the afternoon after lunch
sleep after having an interesting conversation

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

it looks cool from the top

deepening sky

lend me your ears

and i'll sing you a song, but dont mind if i am out of tune.

or something like that. this song from the 'wonder years' has been playing in my head since the last few days. and it is weird.
probably a call from my mental wild for some ear.
probably not. what utter rubbhisH!

its cool to leae space on your blog. like so.

its neat isint it. like u want to fill it with something. i think that is the cool bit.
so i was talking about putting my fotos on the net. i cudnt put them up on a major major space since i dont and wont (for some time) own a website. but they will be here.
its just the beginning i say to some. and to myself. so please forgive me. time is immemorial. fotos are not.