parents

i think my parents are the damm best in the world....!

a lot of times, they think that we dont really think about them and that we dont appreciate what we are today, but the truth is, that feeling of being indebted for many lives is something i have only for my parents.

a lot of times, i have spoken to my friends about how much they mean to us and how much we mean to them. i think i have my parents figured out, and they are just the coolest people on the planet.

my mother is intelligent, calm and very insightful. she can read me and mu bro like a book and still let us have the day, cause we are after all, just kids!

my dad is quite a genius. hes also very calm, very knowledgeable, has stood by his principles against so many odds and has a really wonderful smile. he likes to play with us and the best times i have ever had have been with him.

its just wonderful having them in my life. fills me up you know. with emotion, with pride and lot of respect.

i needed to say this, thats all.

hey, mom dad, no comments on this one! ok?!! haha!

the world according to gripe

life is bad, the sea is rough
and the earth is shaking my lonely bed.
forests conspire and paper deliver
every coffee is made on a pyre
reasons are there, and the threats remain
sometimes i have to be wary, of that very thing
soon enough, the bread arrives
leaves me thinking of all the bad vibes
the jeep swerves, misses the cow
somewhere a man is shot, for not looking out
bombs explode, the earth shakes
it morning again, as my twin alarms make

look out, look out, there is a storm approaching
the sea turned black, and covered the skies
there are no birds and the spray is in my face
whenever the boat rolls, i am looking at solid granite
rolls of rain, hit the boat all the time
we are thinking what an exciting fun thing
it could have snapped, or i could have died
but i was collecting stories
for split second awes
exxagerated imagery and the movies we see
make a life threatening storm, just another coffee table story

searching for the meaning of it all

it is easy to lose oneself in this world. to not have an idea anymore of what you had set out to be. something that is not related to work or to what you want to achieve, but to what are called principles and belief. its easy to not miss them go away. its also very easy to find them too. but its difficult to let go of everything else.

my life has come to a stage where i am trying to decide what is the meaning of where i am heading. the current direction takes me on a road towards something i have not imagined myself on being. so, ofcourse, it is scary to realize that i am on the wrong road, and most of all, for onw big reason. that i dident find any other road. i guess i will have to make one meself. i have these days, however, become so tired to my own idealism that it is slowly becoming just hollow words. being an idealist will not help me at all. there have to some changes. i hope i am able to make them.

wish me luck, and keep seeing this place. if things go as i wish them to, then i might be typing here more often.

saw the map today

in a related incident, i saw the map of the north east and i then realized that my earlier claims of having visited itanagar and thus, one of the easternmost points in the country can now be revised to my current destination. it is so close to the border, that i get goospimples.

we(my collegue)-mind the spelling, and i started thinking about how it must be for the states even down under, tripura and mizoram, which are connected to the country only thru assam, which itself is pretty much cut-off.

we stopped near some tea gardens on the way to one of the industrial sites we were going to, and there were women picking tea over there. somehow, i think we have romanticized the whole thing. there isint anything very great about people picking tea. sure, they have baskets on the head and all that, but hell, they are just normal women.

apart from that, there was a red alert sounded a few days back in this area. the army has been reinforced and there is going to be a flushing of the militants in the area. (somehow, i am not at all comfortable with the word flushing). the militants, mainly the ULFA, have lately resorted to extortion from the tea gardens, rich merchants and the like to get along. rumour has it that the local commander of the ULFA has over rs.500 crores from such activites. you can raise a decent militia in that amount. but nobody is really bothered. now, however, the govt. is taking action and wants to close the chapter on these chaps. whose wrong and who is right, is anybody's guess, but i guess you just have to align yourself to what the media says, what?!

from the tip of assam

i hadnt realised that we are actually on the very tip of assam, and of the country. burma is not very far from here....

that does not mean guns, or border stories or stuff like that. it just is near the border thats all.

there are terrorists though, and it is something you cant forget here.....it is important to stay careful.

thats the situation. as always, i have lots of time to think and to mull. and that is a bad situation. not having to think gives me enough time to forget. but if time is at hand all the time, then how to forget?

hope things change double quick fast.
i keep thinking about dosas, and quick gun murugan, and cards with things written on it. pizzas, and italian food. things and other things.
music and video. shops and pretty girls. red dresses and white ones. jeans and shorts. things and thangs.

again from assam. or still from assam.

tea gardens never looked so good. over here, there is a lot of space, and most of it is green. its amazing how the sky here is blue and black and the earth is green all the time. its very beautiful. sleeping alone, the rain falling outside is very comforting. a steady downpour which makes the morning shine.

under all this, however, there is the compelling presence of the ULFA. the united liberation front of assam. driven from lower assam areas, they have set up base in these regions and mainly kidnap people for extortion. it is said that one of the commanders in this area has over 300 crores of rupees. mindboggling isint it?

there is constant danger. if you slip up, you lose your life. this isint something bombay prepares you for.

the beauty of this place almost makes you forget about that though. almost.

i have had some weird thoughts here. of writing. something i have been putting of for such a long time. of reading, which i am doing. i am also playing need for porsche on the laptop, and watching some hindi movies off and on. i hire them from the local shops. i am here till the 9th of july and might come back sometime later for some more days. but the strict pattern of this place gets to you. sunrise is at 4am, and it becomes quite dark by 5pm. work is from 7-3pm. and inbetween, lunch breaks and siesta times.

i still havent gotten over my past. its staying with me all the time. i have to push it away for it to go away. but it comes back, you know.
time for myself is something i had though i wouldnt have and thats why all this work, but here, while the rain falls, i think about the last couple of years and how things are going on now, and its strange. there is no pattern. its like i love punishing myself. not a good thing.