happy birthday!

to the best brother there can ever be

hey bhai!
warm up the chai
drink it up
and do some gup-shup.
move around the world
and isint it just like how i told

have a great day
and make hay
as you lay.

TIME brother of the year BHAI but really yaar .....

oh-jee, kuch to bollo!

IRAN

the world has gone numb

about 15000 people died yesterday and nobody really cares. i had thought the papers would be all over the 15000 dead in iran, the tragedy in china and the plane crash over benin. the papers just mentioned it all. the bigger deal was sehwag swaggering.
the world has maybe become to political to just understand personal pain and do something about it. its about countries and matches between countries and how many US soldiers got killed today.

i hope someday in the future, people can focus on what happened yesterday and understand that it was such a bad day. for all its worth it, life is so precious.

to the ones who died
i hope they find peace somewhere
for the ones who live on
will forever be in hell within.

sleepless nights

i couldnt sleep last night. for an incredibly long time, i just kept tossing and trying to soothe my head which was aching like mad. it was no. 2 on the top 5 headaches of all time in my life. no. 1 was in guwahati a long time back when i passed out because of the pain. nos. 3-5 are those which dont deserve special mention.

after a point however, i couldnt take it any longer and watched tv instead. not the most ideal thing to do while you have a headache, but there wasnt anything else to do. either that, or all the demons and the good things from the past coming back to you. i prefer tv.
there were occasional shouts and random laughter from outside my room. some people were i guess very yuletidy. i remembered what i was doing last christmas.

there was a party downstairs and lots of girls and guys dancing. we had gone in and said hi and danced a bit and eaten the rum cake a bit and then got back. it dident seem like too much fun. comparitively!

dont ask me what i was doing for new year's last year. that one, is a killer.

i saw the bbc list of the top 100 books. i must have read about the same number that anita has. maybe all of us have read a similar number. makes you think dosent it?

till another day
when the air is clear
let me be by myself
while you are still dear.

the world goes on
but i am still here
it will take me time
but one day i will be the seer.

christmas
i guess almost the entire of the christian world must have used this word atleast once today. just imagine if this word had been the copyright of the vatican. we would have had a new richest guy of the world.
the pope.
i have thought often of some of the things which could have been a gold mine had they been patented and produced only by the inventors.
some obvious things:
toothbrush
toaster
shoelaces
toilet paper(for the developed world)

if you think these things arent patentable, then look at these:
carbonated water
yellow stickey paper

i cant think of a lot more, right now( because of the headache i think);)

oh, i saw(dident talk to him) piyush pandey the other day at a party we had gone to. he was having fun. i dont think i was having too much fun though. its not so great to be going to a place just for the heck of it right? the music if good though.very good.

2

advertising

there is this levi's ad up on the bus board which i really liked. its very clear, simple, and extremely slick looking. i have the picture of it, but i wont be able to upload it since i am not using a dedicated computer.

i have also been listening to zappa(finally!),and i think he is pretty experimental. i dont know if i will like this kind of music, but it depends on the mood, and how much i am willing to experiment. i also got an album of jimmy page, and he is pretty good. that is kind of a given though.

while inbetween trains, i sometimes wonder about a number of opportunites that present for short movies, plays, scenes on the trains. it is quite a lot of fun. infact, right now, i am actually enjoying all the pushing around and the general crowds at all the stations. its not bad at all. especially since i know that this is just a phase. thank god for that ( if there is any).

let god take care of you
if there is any.
let god love you a lot
if there is any.
let god look out for you
if there is any.
let god wait for you at night
if there is any.
'cause the devil's got me
and there isint any god there.

1

the neck is ok, but the pain hasnt gone

there arent many options for someone in pain. i think everywhere, a person has to be in a lot of pain to be able to get any attention. or, has to be very healthy. the mass majority of the people just go unnoticed. either because they conceal the beauty or the pain withing themselves, or because everybody else is just too busy looking at the extremes.

if anyone knows about any organization in mumbai which takes care of people who are homeless, and medically in a very bad state, pls email me and let me know the phone nos., contact. that kind of thing.its urgent

moving around the city on a painful neck

its not easy to look at a rushing train when there is a good amount of pain radiating all over your body if u do that. but you have to. because there is nothing like the sight of a train filled with humanity rushing onto the platform. to pick you up. to be part of it. it almost feels strange.
i wear a tie nowadays. that is definetly weird. i am the 2 jean guy. and suddenly, there is this black tie.
things people do for money. they are ready to debase their body, and we condemm them. but what of the ones who debase their spirit.
horrible, aint it?!

cervical spondilytis

so i have cervical spondilytis?!?

no, its just a muscular spasm. and then my shoulder relaxed.
i find out that its just a spasm. it is definetly still a pain in the neck. literally.

i have been asked to take some medicines. and then told that people doing sedentary jobs need to do a lot of exercise. i dont tell the doc however, that i came back at 12 last night cause i was on the train most of the day. hardly sedentary.
but try explaining that.

it does hurt a lot. but i think maybe it will galvanise me into some kind of action. only when we realise about our sins do we resolve to correct them.
if we want to.

t

why do you care so much?

what is with a lot of people?
the naievity of caring for the whole world. its not even idealist. idealism is the aspiration for perfection. what we have here is an aspiration for a process, or a manner of living and being that is supposed to be. but, is that the ideal?

i doubt it. when shobha talks about elections in the north, i can only think of kids for whom not having electricity in the day in the village dosent really mean anything. what are the standards? is having electricity 24 hrs, or running water 24 hrs the ideal? or is it something else? maybe some peace. maybe what is there for a lot of families in the village. the normal cycle of life and death and the mentality of the governance of life by some superbeing. surrendering to that ideal might be what villages in india are comfortable about. while we write on on our blogs; like how thesixthartist writes about mj and the american ideal; what meaning does it have to most of the billions who dont read it? and isint it ironical that we write about them. almost considering them the white man's burden. if we dont do something about those poor innocent persecuted run down, duped, illeterate chaps all over this country and the rest, who the hell will?

and if i cant do something about it, lets atleast talk about it? i dont see a lot of sense in it.
what i see sense in is when we talk about whats inside our minds. new stuff. things within. not opinions formed on somebodys comprehension of ideal and our urge to embrace it. i like it when shobha talks about her when she was a kid, or when anita talks about kerala as a place, or when thesixthartist talks about the things done in a day, or when anand talks about his movies and all the silly amazing pieces of information he contains.

once we were discussing what made anand and me and the cat really good friends. we came to the conclusion that it was the sheer apolitical nature of our conversations. the diversity of our careers and the need to talk whats coming from inside our heads, not from outside of it.
i think thesixthartist might agree. to some of this.

to each his own. to each his own.

this was a rare personal comment on individual styles of other bloggers. i apologise and commit not to comment .again



anita

shobha

thesixthartist

anand

crowds

i see a sea of humanity everywhere i go
each talking to themselves. making me gape at the size of the city.
and making me wonder of what all goes on here.

i have never seen so many people before

BANDRA


i have now moved into bandra. its quite a place. heady, slow and fast at the same time. lit up, and dark also. lots to explore. lots to lose.

i have a lot of time on my hands.
lot to do and forget.
many things that i have gone through
come back and haunt and i dont want
i will become alone in my mind
fly and take the top cliff side
remember everyday and still not flinch
and think of another hope somewhere

BOMBAY

daddy o

what i have always felt i could do is play some instrument. now i am not sure that it will be the guitar or the drums or the sax or the tabla. but i do know that i will be able to make music, all of which is there in my head and has alwys been there. so what do i do?

i get the daddy o. thats the distortion set from danelectro and it really kicks ass. other than really amping the whole guitar arrangement, it also makes the sound very twangy and with more punch, if nothing else. i think as i get to explore it, i will get a lot of different sounds on it. and then, the sixthartist sent me a pretty cool poster with chords on it( how some simple things can get u excited, rite?!), and i think that will help too. its a pain to search in a book.

-----------------
i also made a coupla changes to the blog. i think i wanted a place to put some fotos on aregular basis so thus the daily feed. i dont think i will be able to feed it daily, but i am getting there.

its interesting how a lot of things so important in life just need to be swept under but its also interesting how they sometimes come up suddenly, rite in front of you.

jam sandwiches

this is anand's view of things we did on friday nite. it was a good nite. i will put up some fotos online in some time. i am still getting used to the whole thing. the phone camera, the webcam, things like that. its not a bad deal if you are running a blog.

I ate the last jam sandwich. since we couldnt find any other homeless person after the last one. (this statement manadates reading anand's blog first)

the chaps at vineyard are really good. but i dont know what they are trying to do. releive hunger, or make us aware of how much hunger there is? if its the latter, then its fine, because jam sandwiches every friday nite dont do much to fill stomachs. but people being aware of them do go a long way.

to the exit of somebody i love.

the throne of blood

moving upon the tv
are images i have seen
long time back on a stage
the act was played while i watched from a cage

hello who is that i see
moving in the fog on the tv
looking up and searhcing for the castle
which stood there long ago

the throne of blood demands its sacrifice
the spider wants to snare you into its tricks
move away and go away
for the spider is looking for you

take a deep breathe and look at the evil spirit
lurking in your heart
black eyes arent looking at me again
and i am hoping to be washed away

moving back and forth in life
looking back at people i had left behind
and finding them again
to lose them again(yes, you)

one more go on the ride
round and round and round
going nowwhere but having fun
whatever

of missed chances and lost time

so you started reading this stuff just now.
there isint much time left.
my mind is moving away into its own little world.
the light in the eyes is going, going far away.

look around.
you'll see what wrongs you are doing
letting yourself fall inside what you were out of.
there were moments of inspiration at times
but the match always gave out.
am i complaining?
maybe so, but tell me
is the past under my control.
anymore?

the past is always under our control isint it?
always. its just that we make it the past. and sometimes, the future catches up.

i rote some stuff somedays back. i started riting in a state of mind i have almost never had. it was interesting, to say the least. it wasnt pleasant, but it was interesting. here's some from that.

---------------------

pizza smells while you try to sleep. the opening of an electric opera on the speaker. violent drums. hendrix on the guitar. very indian drums, in a way. till the opens up the guitar and the rhythmn.

sunday evenings. a bottle of coke. not a pinch. just a bottle. yet.
post wody allen movie and a quasi erotic movie, there's nothing else to do. so i start riting. some people say the best novels get made like this. i dont think so. so test. bluepinkbluepink skies. with patches of light. biscuit billboard in the distance, beside the back of a 3-star hotel. wafting grass, seen in isolation could be the unknown part of an african jungle. sadly, all it is is the foreground of a city scene.
airconditioning exhaust funnels everywhere in sight. the ugliness of a pretty warm light somewhere inside.

the back of a woman in a black dress, lit by the covered bulb of a lamp in there. she looks back at the window loking through outside. but she cant see anybody.

the night is kicking in. the white gave way to the black. het, coke is black. so is my wallet.

a yellow guitar liew above the speaker which is giving out hendrix. cocooned. it must feel sad. nobody played it. a wasted potential. dying away on a wall.

---------------------

pictures near by

all the other things that i clicked with my first fone.

thanks to mdeii for putting the stuff up. i am still trying to make my usb work. it will, soon.
everybody needs a toy. rite?
the weekend was good. the week has just started again. it just is one big cycle. just mulling around and round and round.
one day, there will be space to walk.

FARGO

fargo. i saw this word on the back of a truck atleast 30 years old.
interesting isint it. i wanted to take a snap, but i dident have me kamera.
and the best bit is, the back of the truck looked like it could have just come from there.

and hey, i saw this truck here.

songs for the day

katatonia-gone
jimi hendrix-hey joe
alice in chains-get born again